Romance in bed

Ten tips for genuine intimacy in the bedroom

Romance instead of the daily grind

It’s that time again. Your partner is in the mood. So are you. Your bodies are ready, but something’s missing... Romance! For anyone who wants more than just the same old routine, we’ve put together ten tips that will hopefully inspire you to new heights and set your love alight.

The right atmosphere

The basis for a fulfilling love life is (apart from love itself, of course) a clean bedroom, a good bed where you feel comfortable, and fresh bed linen. Perhaps the scent of fresh bed linen is enough to make you feel at ease. But you can also set the mood with dimmed lighting, candles or pleasant background music. The more daring might scatter roses across their partner’s bed. You can also give your mood a boost with champagne or a glass of wine. Some couples swear by romantic or inspiring films in bed, although we find that having a TV in the bedroom is more of a turn-off than a turn-on.

Speaking your mind

If you love your partner, you should call a spade a spade. Without offending them, of course. Many expect their partner to be able to read their wishes from their eyes. That might even work in exceptional cases, but not for the majority! If I don’t like something or if something needs changing, I should say so! Not just for my own well-being, but also to maintain the relationship. Little tips for your partner can work wonders here. Of course, this often touches on the most intimate aspects of your relationship. But who else but your partner can help you fulfil these desires? If you’d like things to be more tender, wilder, cosier or naughtier in bed, you have to say so openly; otherwise, neither of you will be happy!

Compliments

Compliments are (almost) always well received. Not too clumsy, of course. The words should be well chosen, and the situation too. It’s better to tread a little more carefully than to ruin the mood with a botched compliment. A lovely compliment can open many doors! And for those receiving the compliments: please don’t overanalyse every word. Not everyone is good at giving compliments. The gesture itself is enough to appreciate. And if you’re not good with words, give flowers. That works (almost) every time :-)

Cuddles and physical contact

Those who love want to feel the other person. In every conceivable way. A hug, a caress, holding hands, cuddling, a pinch on the bottom or a kiss on the hand. Touch can take many different forms and, depending on the situation, can be affectionate, comforting, encouraging or playful. It is the physical expression of a partnership. The important thing is: be attentive! If you love your partner, you give them your attention. Of course, there are also casual touches when time is tight. But whenever possible, you should be fully aware of what you’re doing and how the other person feels. Before things get serious, massages or a bath for two can provide the perfect warm-up.

Kissing and cuddling

Alongside touch, kissing is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. If you don’t enjoy kissing, you’re missing out! There are so many forms of kissing: little kisses on the cheek, kissing the hand, tender kisses without the tongue, French kisses, gentle biting whilst kissing, and intimate kisses. Kisses perhaps show even more than touch that you find the other person attractive on every level. What’s more, it boosts circulation and health. So: there simply needs to be more cuddling in the world!

Foreplay

At the start of a relationship, you still make an effort. Later on, foreplay often gets shorter and at some point it might even disappear completely?! Perhaps because it always follows the same patterns? Eroticism has a lot to do with building tension. Make an effort! Sense what your partner wants. The journey is the destination! Imagine the whole thing as a film. First you get to know the characters, then you immerse yourself in the story, and only at the end does the action really get going. If you already know a film well, you might fast-forward to your favourite bit, but watching the same film over and over again eventually stops being fun. So try out new films – or new ways of foreplay! And yes, at the right moment, a good old quickie can get by without much foreplay.

Pillow Talk

Speech is silver, silence is golden? That’s not always true. Especially in bed, the right words can really turn things up a notch. Because the sense of hearing can also become an erogenous zone. Some people like it when compliments are whispered tenderly into their ear. Others want you to say dirty things or even insult them. Depending on your taste, this can be very stimulating. Voicing secret desires or fantasies can be just such a stimulant. Foreign languages are also popular in bed. And not just in bed! If your partner isn’t at home, steamy phone calls or voicemail messages can provide some erotic variety. There are no limits to the imagination...

Getting down to the lingerie

Lingerie can be incredibly arousing. It highlights what is desirable without revealing everything straight away. So why not surprise your partner with some new underwear? Perhaps at completely unexpected moments, such as during dinner or just before setting off on an outing? Slowly undressing or performing a striptease acts as a real turn-on. Give your partner the chance to rediscover you. By the way, men can do their bit in this regard too. If you’re brave enough, strip for your wife or serve dinner wearing just an apron. Don’t worry – if it goes wrong, at least you’ll have the laughs on your side. And anyone who can laugh at themselves is always sexy!

Pictures say more than words

Your partner usually sees you in everyday life and has no idea just how sexy you can actually be. Models in magazines have it easier: they’re photographed professionally and the photos go through many stages of retouching. You can do that too! Organise a photoshoot with a professional photographer and give your partner a new perspective on you. If they’re into that sort of thing, it’s a brilliant gift that will always remind them of what you’re really made of. It’s even easier with sexy photos of yourself on your smartphone that you send to your partner. Depending on your taste, you can show a little or a lot. But be careful: it’s easy to press the wrong button and send the photo to the wrong group.

Try something new

Nothing damages romance more than the daily grind. Break out of the routine and try something new! Experiment! Push your own boundaries! It can be completely harmless. A dance class, a picnic or breakfast in bed. But it can also involve your actual sex life. How about a bit of role-play? Doctor, nurse, maid, pool boy, pizza delivery boy, boss, secretary... Anything is possible. Or discover new places for sex. It doesn’t always have to end up in the bedroom. The kitchen, bathroom, living room, or perhaps even outside your own four walls? Try out new sexual practices. Let yourself be inspired. Make your own video. The limits only exist in your head.

So have fun with our tips and don’t forget: keep it romantic!

written by Christian Messmer